But over Christmas I had second thoughts.
I’ve struggled with feelings of inadequacy, compared myself to others, relished in getting my brain whirling faster, despaired at how quickly the hours fly, doubted myself, felt incredibly vulnerable, devoured all the small business information I could get my hands on, loved planning, organising and getting work done and wondered a lot about exactly who I am now, am I good enough and what on earth I’m trying to say. But, I didn’t really feel like talking about it because it was all a bit raw and to be honest I thought it seemed a bit silly. I worried I needed to be a super duper professional and slick designer and talking about my challenges was not relevant and would be shooting myself in the foot. I told myself I had to suffer in private and just get over it.
And then, over Christmas I was suddenly struck with the urge to write some of this down. Talk in a bit more detail about some of the revelations I’ve had. Share with you some of my trickier feelings and talk about a whole bunch of other stuff too, like my new favourite needles and the ways I’ve found to soothe wrists that are sore from knitting. I don’t know what changed. Maybe I’m tired of trying to be something I’m not. I’m a loud, chatty, opinionated and passionate person who talks a lot and has absolutely no qualms about sharing my personal struggles if it helps people feel better about theirs. I suddenly realised that it if I was going to invest blood, sweat and tears into Truly Myrtle I better do it as I really am. Honestly. Does it really matter whether you decide I’m neurotic, deluded and more than a bit nuts? Will you still buy my patterns? I don’t know. I guess I’ll find out ;)
So, I’m coming back. Blogging has been so good to me and I’m not done yet. It’s helped me grow to love writing in a way I never expected. Once upon a time I sat in school and thought I wasn’t a good writer. I didn’t like it much – all I wanted to do was art and maths. And then I ended up doing a law degree (go figure) and I learnt a little of how to write from my boss in the UK who opened my eyes to the idea of writing with my own voice. Years went by before I started blogging but over the past three or so years, slowly but surely, regularly writing in this space became a really helpful way to think aloud and clear my thoughts.
I’ve made a long list of topics I’d like to talk about. Some are a bit esoteric. I’m not sure whether to pick and choose from that list or just start at the top and work my way down. I guess I’ll see how I feel on any given day. Of course, I’ll inevitably also write about what’s right in front of my nose because that’s what I really love to do and one thing I’d like to do is rethink how I respond to you. In the past, I’ve written back to you via email and it’s been lovely to get to know lots of you a little more privately. But, I’m going to start writing to you right here on the blog, in the comments. So if you’re feeling brave enough to tell me your ideas and thoughts about what I’m talking about, do! And, if a conversation develops right here in the comments, that’d be great too.
Righto, to kick things off I’ll give you a post next week – and then hopefully, once a week after that.
Talk soon xxx
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